how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
