Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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