so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
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Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
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My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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