I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
