i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
