who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
