I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
