Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
