I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
