Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I need water and some morals
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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