I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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