it hurts more in the daytime
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
