Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
