Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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