i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
