I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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