She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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