he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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