and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
