Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
