Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
