Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
