and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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