their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
