Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
