Screwed.edu
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
