They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
