Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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