I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
