I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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