She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
