Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
