M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize