i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Vodka?
Forever.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
