You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
