who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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