I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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