how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
