I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
