woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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