guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
