May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
