hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
