it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Found the puke drawer
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
