I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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