Slut skills are useful in every country.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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