i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
