So drunk, too bad you don't want this
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
40s are totally the cure
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
