This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
