I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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