I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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