By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We are two peas in an std pod
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
