I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
