He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
