I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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