why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
