you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
