I wish my penis had an off switch
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I could make wine with my vomit
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
