Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
