so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
