standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
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so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
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Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.