So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
