Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  who do you think you are?

  (407): View more from Florida

  someone who doesn't ask that question

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  (716): who do you think you are? (407): someone who doesn't ask that question http://tfl.nu/uw7n
  Replies (4) Good night (3950) Bad night (1340)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.

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  (901): Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome. http://tfl.nu/dlib
  Replies (23) Good night (1730) Bad night (3366)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.

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  (760): I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college. http://tfl.nu/m4jf
  Replies (52) Good night (4516) Bad night (843)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  bloody. ill be home soon.

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  (215): so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know? (267): bloody. ill be home soon. http://tfl.nu/2ypq
  Replies (7) Good night (3836) Bad night (1140)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas

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  (208): Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas http://tfl.nu/3mqp
  Replies (7) Good night (4173) Bad night (921)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?

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  (405): She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after? http://tfl.nu/ibkm
  Replies (16) Good night (3676) Bad night (952)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.

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  (416): juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning. http://tfl.nu/mbo9
  Replies (12) Good night (1748) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.

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  (805): I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it. http://tfl.nu/eeuf
  Replies (4) Good night (851) Bad night (1393)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself

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  (706): I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself http://tfl.nu/6gni
  Replies (15) Good night (1541) Bad night (614)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.

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  (519): he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint. http://tfl.nu/fup1
  Replies (4) Good night (1382) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies

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  (406): I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies http://tfl.nu/i19i
  Replies (1) Good night (1180) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.

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  (607): You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were. http://tfl.nu/pdic
  Replies (3) Good night (1340) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey

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  (787): I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey http://tfl.nu/3kl5
  Replies (5) Good night (610) Bad night (681)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.

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  (703): I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat. http://tfl.nu/wce9
  Replies (1) Good night (335) Bad night (464)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"

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  (260): I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby" http://tfl.nu/6cul
  Replies (0) Good night (691) Bad night (325)

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