well I can't set my house on fire every night
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
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you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
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Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.