Texts From Last Night

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"

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  (330): you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now" http://tfl.nu/lsq6
  Replies (30) Good night (1918) Bad night (4623) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way

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  (267): oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way http://tfl.nu/43of
  Replies (16) Good night (4014) Bad night (1018) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?

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  (732): I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break? http://tfl.nu/m0ae
  Replies (8) Good night (3835) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"

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  (402): My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet" http://tfl.nu/f79o
  Replies (16) Good night (3356) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...

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  (484): someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again... http://tfl.nu/xp70
  Replies (3) Good night (2080) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.

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  (215): Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes. http://tfl.nu/s26z
  Replies (8) Good night (1780) Bad night (1472) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.

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  (208): Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out. http://tfl.nu/579a
  Replies (3) Good night (2159) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.

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  (413): It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex. http://tfl.nu/wrcv
  Replies (14) Good night (3642) Bad night (1187)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.

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  (970): She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim. http://tfl.nu/tftc
  Replies (4) Good night (785) Bad night (2289) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.

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  (570): He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall. http://tfl.nu/bycp
  Replies (17) Good night (1498) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made

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  (302): A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made http://tfl.nu/dho0
  Replies (13) Good night (1586) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?

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  (310): At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude? http://tfl.nu/d5u6
  Replies (5) Good night (1080) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.

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  (917): It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet. http://tfl.nu/tf3l
  Replies (3) Good night (524) Bad night (304) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.

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  (214): I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this. http://tfl.nu/v16y
  Replies (0) Good night (420) Bad night (224) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.

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  (918): Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up. http://tfl.nu/f8tw
  Replies (5) Good night (545) Bad night (252) Order T-Shirt

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