do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit