He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
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I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
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I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table