I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.