I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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