I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
