watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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