there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
