the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
