Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize