17 year olds will be the death of me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
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Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
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Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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