RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
