He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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