i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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