escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My penis needs a shock collar
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
