oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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