The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
