so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
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She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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