First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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