Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
