Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
