I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
