so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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