No awkward lesbian experiences without me
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
